Friday, August 28, 2009

100 Days Plus 1

Stu on his way home...

It has been 100 days plus 1 since we had the funeral for our dear friend Stu. His death came as a shock to us all, and frankly, put many of us into a tailspin for a few days, weeks, or months, depending upon the person and situation. His death plus a variety of other long buried issues started erupting from the earth all around me, like some sort of hell spawn intent at pulling me under to my own grave. I started taking stupid risks, drinking too much, finding myself in that dark hole and unable to find the light. I wasn't being pulled under at all, I was hiding in a pit I dug for myself. I wanted to bury my feelings under the dirt of vice and self indulgence. I was hiding from my life and his death by anesthetizing myself. I suppose many of us considered him the most upbeat guy we knew, with nary a bad thing to say about anyone. His death crushed me more than I knew, and was the last straw for me for a while. I think a lot of us considered him the best among us.

Then suddenly one morning I just woke up, my mind screaming ENOUGH!!!! at me like a warning klaxon of some craft about to crash land on the bleak landscape of the place I banished my soul to. It was almost as if I heard his voice, in that great Kiwi accent of his, saying to me, "Aw, come on, it can't really be all THAT bad, can it?" I had a good laugh until it turned into a good cry, and I felt whole again.

I don't know what all these means now, as I move forward, other than I miss my friend and plan on honoring his life with a long one of my own. It does not mean I am going to become some sort of Trappist monk! Feh, what would the world be without a Felgerkarb on the prowl? But it does mean that when I do "go arrrround", as we Publicans like to say, it will be with a wary eye cast back toward that pit I left behind me.

We miss you Stu, be it 100 days plus one or thereafter unto infinity. You are our friend, and we love you...Thank you for everything.


phuket said...

i miss him to, He was the ONLY real friend I had on 440 that kenw me.

Strang thing the other day i was on Facebook and his name pooped uo on the right hand side.

I hope he is in a better place

Anonymous said...

Looking at a photo of stewie as i type,he was a great friend and I too suffered after his passing.
Even a few weeks after his departure I had a quiet cry sometimes.
I have kept his number in my phone.
He visited my bedroom the night before we burnt him,my missus saw the dirty bastard as did the missus of another friend he visited on that night.
I didnt see him but I believe that he was there.